I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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