he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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