Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
