wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
