the day after is always just damage control
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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