i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
