How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
