so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
