Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
