this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
