I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
