Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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