i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
