We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
