I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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