I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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