wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
