oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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