also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
