She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
