I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
