you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he wants to bone in the snuggie
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
