Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
