Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
