I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
