Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
