i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
