if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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