How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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