Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
