I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
