im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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