Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
