bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
