I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
