If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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