There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
