P.S. I can't hear my feet
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
