the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
