WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
