I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
