yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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