Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
