So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
