That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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