Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
