3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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