if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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