yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
