Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
