you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
