Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i think my cat just said my name.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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