the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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