I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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